Staff Meeting
by Rice Pips
Summary: I own nothing, except the horror of Staff Meetings. Janeway and Chakotay have some staff meeting issues.


(A/N: I do not own the characters, however I do own the right to complain about Staff Meetings! I usually want to eat my own arm following each one!)

Staff meeting

Janeway stretched her neck left to right, tugging out the tension that threatened to evolve into a blinding headache.

Tuvok droned on. And on. And on. In fact, he'd droned on for at least 20 minutes, and it seemed unlikely he would end any time soon.

Silently, she cursed her own organisational skills for planning in regular staff meetings and always adding an AOB section to the agenda.

It had always seemed such a good idea to ask other staff members to input their thoughts at the end of the meeting and, to be honest, it had always worked well. Until now.

Tuvok ALWAYS had an AOB, one guaranteed to take up at least half an hour and always had the ability to suck the life out of your body and leave you wanting to stab yourself in the eye with sharpened Leola root.

Currently, Tuvok was discussing the finer points of an upcoming training session for lower deck staff. Everything had to be planned to the nth degree, timings, grades, previous results…blah, blah, blah!

Janeway looked around the table of her senior staff. B'Elanna appeared to be currently planning a slow and painful death for Tuvok, her eyes were narrowed and if looks could kill, Tuvok would be dead by now.

Tom was asleep. Openly asleep. Head back, mouth open, asleep.

Janeway stifled a snort and stared at the table in order to hide her amusement.

Harry, (bless him), was attempting to look engaged in the topic. He was trying to keep his eyes on Tuvok, whilst forcing an expression of interest on his young features.

To her left, she felt Chakotay shift in his seat. She glanced at him and realised he was fiddling with something under the table. She turned her head and noticed he was playing a game on his PADD. Her eyes went wide at the sheer audacity and she was cross, more with herself for not thinking of that too.

She quickly typed out a message.

"If Tuvok sees you!"

He smirked as the message appeared on his screen and quickly tapped back, "I'm hoping he does see me. He might demand my demotion and then I won't have to attend these anymore!"

Janeway almost laughed out loud as the message appeared on her screen.

She was about to message back when she heard Chakotay clear his throat, his foot knocking against hers to nudge her attention back to the room and she realised all eyes were on her.

"Are you well, Captain?" Tuvok asked, one eyebrow raised. Next to him, Tom snorted himself awake and quickly rubbed his eyes.

"Quite, quite! Erm, thank you, Mr Tuvok for that…..enlightening talk. Now, if there's nothing else…?" She made to get out of her seat but…

"Actually, Captain, I have an AOB!" Neelix's hand waved vigorously in the air.

An audible groan emitted from somewhere around the table. Probably B'Elanna. She watched as Tom settled back for another snooze.

"Can it not wait?" Janeway asked, hoping he would take the hint from the glare she was sending his way.

"I'm afraid not, I'd like to discuss the food wastage we've been having recently. I'm thinking we should start measuring how much we waste each week…"

Janeway sank back into her seat and sighed as Neelix started twittering away.

—–

"Three hours!" Chakotay laughed, handing Janeway a chilled glass of white wine and settling down onto the couch next to her. "That has to be a record! I thought you were going to kill someone!"

"The thought had crossed my mind. Believe me!" Janeway groaned, stretching her feet out on her couch, sipping her wine.

"I don't know about you, but the thought of 70 years worth of staff meetings with Neelix and Tuvok makes me want to throw myself out of the nearest airlock." Chakotay sipped his own wine, eyes sparkling, and with his free hand, manoeuvred Janeway's feet onto his knee.

"Get in line Commander, I'm first!" Janeway laughed, enjoying the contact more than she was afraid to let on.

"This can't go on. Tom was comatose. B'Elanna looked ready to eat her own arms and Harry….well that boy needs to get a grip and stop looking so interested." Chakotay began to rub at Janeway's left ankle.

"What can we do?" she asked. She wondered if she should be concerned by the intimate way she was sitting with her First Officer, but thinking about that was too hard, and she wasn't sure she'd like the answer, so, she pushed that to the back of her mind. Leaning against the back of her sofa, she took another sip of wine and rested her head against her arm.

"If only we could time a red alert during each meeting." Chakotay mused.

Janeway thought for a moment, ideas racing about inside her mind.

She sat upright and dazzled Chakotay with her most enchanting smile.

"Not a bad idea, Commander!" She clinked her glass with his, her eyes glinted as a new idea formed.

—-

The time for staff meeting was approaching. Janeway glanced about the bridge and watched as Ensign Rowlins took over from Tom.

He glanced at her to see if she was following and she signalled for him to go on ahead.

Slipping down onto the lower deck, she sidled up to the young Ensign. Ensign Rowlins looked up and blanched white, wondering what she had done wrong.

"If….say in around an hour there should be an issue with the engines, please feel free to make me aware of those issues. Maybe don't even call me, just make me aware." Janeway whispered. She glanced back to make sure Tuvok was nowhere near her.

"Pardon, Captain?" Rowlins looked at her as if she was speaking a different language and Janeway mused that the girl probably wasn't far wrong.

"About an hour, Ensign. Engine issues. Do something fancy, but make it look realistic." Janeway re-iterated. She gave the girl what she thought was a knowing one, but poor Rowlins looked back at her as if she had just sprouted another head.

"I'm not sure that I follow." Rowlins said slowly, clearly worried she was not exactly giving the right impression to her Captain.

"An hour in a staff meeting is all I can take! With Tuvok! Get me out of it! One hour!" Janeway hissed in exasperation.

Realisation dawned on the young pilot's face. "Understood." She smiled at the Captain and turned back to the console.

They'd just begun the AOB and Tuvok had taken to the floor.

Janeway looked at the chronometer and willed Rowlins to act. Out on the bridge, Rowlins looked at the chronometer and smoothly switched off autopilot. She then keyed in the codes that were the equivalent of throwing Voyager out of 5th gear and right into 2nd at high speed. Voyager lunged violently as momentum was lost, the engines screaming in protest. As quick as a flash, she keyed in a new code and Voyager continued merrily on her way whirring back up to full impulse as if nothing had happened.

In the ready room, everyone had been flung forward during the incident. Janeway whacked her badge the nanosecond she felt it happen. She was on her feet, dismissing the staff, before Tuvok even opened his mouth.

Out on the bridge, Rowlins said she had no idea what happened, a slight malfunction it appeared.

Janeway told her not to worry and gave the young woman a wink and mouthed, "Thank you!"

"Captain, should we resume our meeting?" Tuvok asked from his station.

"No!" Janeway's response was sharp and harsh, she quickly softened her face and waved her hand dismissively, "I mean, it'll have to wait now."

—

Chakotay placed their plates on the table in his quarters as Janeway recounted her conversation with Rowlins.

"Sneaky!" he laughed as he sat opposite Janeway and poured them both a glass of red.

"It worked though!" Janeway grinned, clearly pleased with herself.

"Here's to shorter staff meetings!" Chakotay held up his glass and clinked it with hers.

—

For three weeks Janeway managed to pull it off. Each meeting would be cut short by Rowlins sabotaging something that required the captains attention. However, Tuvok began to get suspicious and commented that he would have to make a careful study of Rowlins' ability to work efficiently. Janeway realised she had put the young woman through enough and so had to concede that the game was up.

Chakotay told her he had a plan to make things more interesting.

During the next meeting, she found herself so bored she was afraid she'd start crying. Tuvok was discussing a report and was deliberating the finer points of the headings the report required for them to ponder. The only pondering taking place was from Tuvok.

Tom was actually drooling today in his sleep.

B'Elanna seemed resigned that murder was not an option and instead was drawing patterns with her fingers on the desk.

Even Neelix was asleep.

She glanced at Chakotay wondering how and when he intended to liven this up. She spotted the familiar glint of mischief and saw him reach slyly to his left and sharply pinch Neelix in his side.

"HIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!" Neelix squealed shooting out of his seat, eyes wide and whiskers bristling.

Chakotay schooled a shocked look at the Talaxian, his hands quickly back in his lap.

Janeway almost fell off her seat, stuffing her hand into her mouth to prevent the laugh threatening to escape.

Tom shot up in the air instantly awake and B'Elanna's head snapped up so fast she almost dislocated her neck.

Neelix launched into a frighteningly rapid series of sneezes that were persistent, loud and wet. He tried to apologise, but each word was punctuated by another sneeze and a globule of Talaxian snot.

Janeway quickly called for the Talaxian to be transported to sickbay and in the ensuing rush terminated the meeting.

Later, she relived the experience with Chakotay, snorting with laughter as she recounted Neelix's apology to her from sickbay. He couldn't understand what had triggered such an attack as such fits only happened when a Talaxian had been pinched on a sensitive nerve running down their sides.

Chakotay's eyes sparkled as she asked him how he knew just where to pinch.

"I overheard him telling someone in the mess hall a few weeks back. I stored it for further use!"

"Whilst hilarious, I'm afraid it was a one off opportunity." Janeway sighed, mirth still dancing in her eyes.

"Sadly yes. Your turn next!" Chakotay grinned.

—-

Janeway was pondering the prospect of painting eyes onto her eyelids in the hope that Tuvok won't notice that she was asleep.

He was once again talking about something…she can't actually remember what….something about the computer? Or a dispute? Or was it a system reboot?

Sighing, she can't even think of how to liven up the meeting, she's just about to fake a faint when Chakotay suddenly speaks up, interrupting Tuvok mid-flow.

"Sorry Tuvok, but the Captain and I have been talking and we feel that staff meetings should now be based amongst our teams and only senior meetings should take place in the event of first contacts or following a red alert. As of next week, all leaders are to hold a team meeting and report back to us of their discussions." Chakotay's tone was even, but certainly suggested the matter was not up for discussion.

Janeway gaped at him and felt a smile of relief flood her features, but quickly schooled them.

"Yes, I'm sure you all agree it's a more efficient way to work," she added smoothly.

A chorus of relieved, "Aye captain"s follow this, except from Tuvok, who tries to argue, but is quickly quietened by Janeway's trademark glare.

The meeting is dismissed and Tom can be heard saying, "Thank God for that, though where will I catch up on my sleep now?"

—-

"You weren't angry with my suggestion?" Chakotay asked over their dinner that night.

"Angry? It was genius! That's why you are my first officer! What ever would I do without you?" Janeway replied, smiling softly across at him.

"Still be in a staff meeting?"

Chakotay joked, avoiding her soft gaze.

"Probably!" Janeway laughed. "Seriously though, what would I do without you?"

"Drink even more coffee?"

"Well….yes, but, tonight it's wine!" she looked at him with an expression that could be taken the wrong way by a desperate man.

"Thank you again…I'd be lost without you."

"Kathryn….." Chakotay's voice softened into something resembling wistful sadness.

"Not tonight, Chakotay," Janeway held up a hand, rose from her seat and moved to lean against the table where he was sitting. "Let's just enjoy this momentary freedom."

She leaned down towards him, he leaned up in answer, eyes closing as lips approached lips.

*Tuvok to Janeway.*

"Janeway here…..I hope this is important?" Chakotay leaned back as she spoke, eyes resigned.

"I'm sending over my report from my team meeting that I held once the senior meeting ended. There are a number of things I want to make you aware of…"

The PADD on the table beeped and Janeway picked it up.

"OK….oh! 64 pages? That's a lot of reading, Tuvok," Janeway's eyes widened.

"I really could do with your advice by tomorrow Captain."

"Understood."

"Tuvok out."

"If we blow him out an airlock you wouldn't have to read it?" Chakotay suggested with a smirk.

"Oh, I'm not reading it. Captain's prerogative is to delegate. Enjoy Commander." Janeway returned his smirk.

"Did I ever tell you what a great boss you are?" Chakotay rolled his eyes.

Janeway pushed off the table and began to move towards the bedroom, hips swaying. She flung a seductive look over her shoulder.

"No, but do tell me….bring the wine!" she called, disappearing into the bedroom.


End file.
